Getting Back on the Horse

I thought it appropriate to use a phrase Nate and I often joke about as the jumpstart back into blogging. Hell, I really don't have many better things to do with my time--it's just a matter of not being lazy. So here I go again, particularly to assist Nate in his ability to hold a sports-related conversation and partially because I like to bitch. (This return will last maybe a week...)

First off, I'll weigh in on a few controversies that are worth noting. If they are good enough to make it on PTI, they're good enough for this.

NBA

-Bulls trade Eddy Curry after he refuses a DNA test.

First off, this one hits home because I'm a Bulls fan. I can see both sides to it (and both are ugly), but I have to side with Jim Paxson on this one. If my star center missed the end of the regular season and entire playoff series because his heart was skipping beats, I'd want insurance too. In Illinois it is very legal for an employer to request a DNA test, but ethically questionable. So Jim asked, Eddy refused, Isiah wanted a low-post presence--everyone wins. I'm not sour, though, because Eddy outstayed his welcome and Mike Sweetney might actually live up to some hype. It's high time to fear the Bulls once again.

-NBA introduces dress code for players.

I am not even going to get into the ridiculous claims that this is a racial element meant to bring down the black athlete, but I will say I'm mixed on the subject. I don't think it is bad simply because at most places of business there are particular dress codes and it surely does no harm to look professional. I don't think it good simply because I consider it highly unnecessary since most fans don't pay any attention to how the players are dressed anyways. Everyone expected outrages and refusals to comply by all kinds of players, but the first one to break the dress code was the most unlikely of candidates, Toni Kukoc. The Croatian shows up wearing a plain white t-shirt and said he just wants to be comfortable. Bless Toni Kukoc, the freedom fighter.

NFL/College Football

-Minnesota Vikings go on a sex cruise during week off.

What? Pro athletes shagging lots of women on yachts? This is an outrage! Oh well, I didn't mind because instead of practicing or watching tapes they decided to have some fun and then lost to the Bears 28-3. I think the franchise is full of issues to deal with right now, so this shouldn't be making the headlines.

-USC coach and player fake a suicide on Halloween.

Absolutely hilarious. Not just because of the joke, but how upset some people got. It reminds me of that Jack Handy line, "Don't worry. Someone will try and catch you because, hey, free dummy."

NHL (I don't follow hockey, but I don't know which of these two stories shocked me more.)

-Former coach and general manager Jacques Demers admits he's illiterate.

The guy can't read or write. Wow. Well, he certainly proves you don't have to be smart to be successful in life, or at least in sports. I would assume at some point he would have had to sign a contract and read important documents and jot down notes for his players and spell Canadien! I guess not. (His wife found out after he kept putting off paying household bills because he couldn't write a check.) Oh, and he attributes his inadequacies on an abusive childhood. This spurned an ESPN reporter tonight to consider there may be more individuals out there who have this problem than we know about. That can't read or write?! What is this the deep south?

-Todd Bertuzzi returns to the ice after crippling Steve Moore.

Everyone in America should know this story because it stretches far beyond remedial sports debates. If you don't know what I'm referring to, last season Bertuzzi came up behind Moore and attacked him by blindsiding him during a game and punching him in the face. Moore dropped to the ice, his neck immediately broken. Bertuzzi was suspended for the remainder of the season, however, lucky him, the NHL went on lock-out and was abruptly ended last year. This season an agreement was reached and the players are back on the ice, including Bertuzzi, but not Moore. Sure he fulfilled his punishment, but the question is whether or not it was too small. Many columnists claim he should not be allowed to play until Moore is rehabilitated and can also play. According to our friend, Hammurabi, shouldn't the punishment fit the crime? A player ended another player's career. Steve Moore was simply living out his dream of playing professional hockey and it was brutally taken away from him. The dire consequenses weren't intentional, but the cheap shot to the face sure was. Who knows, maybe having to live with the guilt and title for the rest of his life is punishment enough.

WNBA (Although I don't really count this as a sport.)

-Sheryl Swoops came out and admits she is a lesbian.

Not only that, but she defects the idea that people are born gay and claims people have to turn gay. Apparently that's what a decade of time in a women's lockerroom will do to you. The self-labeled pioneer is hoping to inspire male athletes to come out, but we all know it won't happen. The testimony I'm still waiting to hear is that of her recently divorced husband and eight-year old child. Evidently she wasn't born gay or she's been pump-faking more than her jump shots.

Killing Time

I know, I know, I should resume studying for my midterm tomorrow, but it's not until 9:00 a.m. and I have all night. Instead, I think I'll post a sports column. My new favorite show of late has been Around the Horn on ESPN at 4:00 p.m. CT, and I highly recommend you check it out at least once a week if you care at all about being updated on the sporting world. It's fresh and funny and gives four sides to any topic. At first I was amazed at how quickly these guys come up with their responses, but after tuning in daily I think I could hold my own. The following are some disagreements with and/or additional points that were made by the contestants this week. I'm convinced I could take Woody Paige in a Showdown finale.

*Today, Jay Mariotti, a Chicago native, claimed the White Sox needed to win game 2 against the Angels or they were done because they could not go into LA and win 2 out of 3. All three of his opponents argued otherwise, but none of them mentioned the fact that this season the White Sox had a better winning percentage on the road than at home. The only other team to do so this year was my beloved Cardinals, causing me to warn Cale about the ChiSox World Series homefield disadvantage. But what do you know, the Sox did end up winning game 2 by quite the controversy. Check it out.

*Tony Cornheiser was asked if Texas challenges USC as the country's top football team, and his arguments were ridiculous. First of all, he mentioned that the Big XII is down right now, and they will go undefeated without much adversity. Next, he pointed out how poorly Big XII teams (Oklahoma) have done as of late in championship games, as well as in bowl games. This latter 'fact' isn't really true, and he is obviosly forgetting Texas did indeed smoke Michigan in the Rose Bowl. (All are strawman fallacies, however, because he's arguing the overall talent of the Big XII, not that of Texas.) His closing argument was that the reigning champs should remain at the top until beaten--a statement that agrees with my belief that pre-season rankings don't mean shit. CF rankings should not be made until at least the third week of the season to avoid courtesy spots (obviously Iowa) and to simply wait and see what each team looks like and who they beat. The way the current rankings system works, you pretty much have to lose to drop spots, so starting off the season with the champs at #1 makes it that much harder to dethrone them. Sure, USC has looked pretty good and hasn't lost yet, but had the rankings been formed a few weeks into the season, Texas might have been first after beating a then-#4 Ohio State. I'll admit I might have put USC atop the poll, but it is absurd to claim Texas is not a serious competitor for the title.

*When debating whether or not Chris Carpenter is a true ace, and Cy Young winner, I don't know how many times I've heard about his late struggles in his last few starts, particularly his September ERA. In case you don't know about the phenomenal season Carp is having, by 'struggle' people mean his one loss. Yeah, he recently lost for the first time since June 8th. His 22 consecutive starts giving up 3 or less runs is just plain sick, and he was averaging about 8 innings a start. Two weeks ago on the show, all four sports writers picked Carpenter to lose his playoff opener to Jake Peavy...I couldn't believe my ears. Instead, Carp threw 6 shutout innings for the win and Peavy gave up 7 runs. Oh, and he also beat Andy Pettitte tonight.

At least they all agreed that A-Rod choked and Ron Artest is out of his f-ing mind.

Here's a random set of stats I saw today that made me smile:

Albert Pujols on the All-Time Lists for Players After Their First 5 Seasons

Runs--1st
Extra-base Hits--1st
Home Runs--2nd
RBI's--3rd
Batting Average--3rd

Good for a Laugh

This is absolutely the most hilarious Road Apple poem I've ever heard. No rhyme scheme, no correct grammar, no anything. Damn, how did Nims write this and think it MADE SENSE?! I don't know, but I think it is perfect the way it is:

So there I was getting ready
For a Sunday afternoon with Krueger and Bunge
That's when I noticed I was almost out of gas
But they both said but not from your ass
So I pulled up to the gas station and got out
Where the hell was my gas cap, what was this all about?
I got back in the car after I remembered it was on the other side
Bunge and Krueger laughed at my stupidity
I'll fix this, I said as I threw it in reverse
I popped the clutch doing a complete 180
I sat there a minute confused
Why the hell didn't that work?
While I was sitting there staring at the pump Bunge and Krueger just stared at me
Finally, Bunge said, "What the hell are you doing?"
You didn't change to the right side
Oh yeah, I guess I didn't.

Nims should write a book, don't you agree?

Sports in The Onion

It's nice to see The Onion added a sports section. This peice is for Charles Nims:


Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals

September 29, 2005 Issue 41•39

KANSAS CITY—Desperate to give their last-place, 100-loss team something to smile about, the Royals arranged to have a terminally ill little boy pay a visit to their clubhouse Tuesday. Danny Gladstone, 8, a leukemia sufferer who is expected to live just long enough to see the Royals make a run at setting a franchise record for losses, arrived at Kauffman Stadium at 11 a.m., and was immediately swarmed by players excited to see someone else who wouldn't be around in October. "I can't even explain how uplifting it is to see somebody who soon won't have to put up with the pain and misery anymore," Royals first baseman and team captain Mike Sweeney said. "Even though we have to endure the same terrible fate again come April, Danny, unlike the Royals organization, will be in a far better place." Sweeney concluded the meeting by promising the boy he would ground into a double play for him during that night's game.

A Night With Betty in the D-Rho Chi

Since moving out of the ol' FH, I have become enlightened on many topics regarding fraternity life and what I had grown accustomed to. I will save my rants about being deemed an "out-of-houser" for another day, but I will reinforce my new belief that the fraternity itself has nothing to do with being happy and enjoying college, it is 100% the people. Sure the association opens doors to meet others and sets the stage for good times, but my friendships I've developed are so much clearer now that I am removed from the environment. For instance...
This morning I went to the pledging/activation ceremony because my brother (the biological one) asked me to read a part. Ironically enough, the segment I read was entitled "Gathering Place", which stressed the importance of seeing beyond FarmHouse as a physical structure. (I will note I had to change a couple words as it didn't seem comfortable to read about "a place we live and meet." Thanks, Kody.) The pledges were glad to see me there and were welcoming, while many actives were not. In fact, one active even asked me why I was there and expressed his displeasure with "an alumni" having a speaking part while he did not. (It was later joked I should have read The Charge.) Things like that really clue you in on who considers you a real friend and who simply called you 'brother' because you shared the same roof. Again, I can go on for hours about the differences between living inside of the house and out, but I won't. Not today.
I guess what I'm saying is I am so thankful for my good friends. I miss many of them as they graduate each year. Tonight Matt Brummett came into town and we spent the evening hanging out, reminiscing, and, of course, playing pitch. I don't see my pledge dad very often, and even after so much time apart we still have a blast. Very few make me just want to smile and are so lighthearted; evidently there was a good reason I chose him four years ago. It felt great just to sit around the FH dining room, laughing it up, enjoying each other's company. In fact, I felt like I was home again.
I know, I broke one of my blogging rules by talking about my personal experiences, but oh well. I say to anyone who would stumble upon this passage, take a moment to think fondly of those with whom you share a special bond. I know I get by with a little help from my friends...

LaRussa for President

In case you missed it, last night Tony LaRussa won his 2,195th career game as a major league manager and moved into 3rd place all-time. What a guy. Watching his interview today he just looked so happy and thankful to be a part of this Cardinal team, something that was very encouraging. St. Louis fans are renown as the best fans in baseball and we are rewarded with such an outstanding staff of people who want to do their best every day and win--they "give a hard nine" every game, in the words of Tony. Right now we have the best manager, pitcher, and overall player in baseball and it feels good. If you can't tell, I'm just busting of red and white, and last night's milestone made me realize I can't give that man enough respect. I think LaRussa just moved up on my list of "if you could sit down and have a conversation with one person, who would it be?"

I think he still trails Steve Kerr, though.

Tetris was also Curtis Gregg's favorite

One of my magazines contained this extraordinarily brilliant clarification:

“Something with ‘universal appeal’ is held in such high regard for cutting across barriers of age, race, sex, and language. Tetris proves that all ‘universal appeal’ means is ‘simple enough for girls.’”

Wow. This is definitely For Him Magazine.

+ Flog is golF backwards +

ESPN.com is amid "The Battle of Good vs Evil," a look into sports and their relations to the seven deadly sins and virtues. I don't necessarily dislike golf--I just thought the comparison was humorous.


5. Greed vs. Charity (Playing the Game)

Golf: Let's see ... you spend $800 on your irons, another $750 on your woods. Oh, don't forget, $100 on the shoes. Throw in $20 for a glove, $50 for a shirt, $35 for some balls and you're ready to play some golf! Wait, that's just how much you paid for the equipment. Now you need to come up with about $65 in greens fees to play a round. Forget it. There's no reason to even do the math here. You've just paid a few thousand dollars to take yourself way too seriously and say things like "Man, I gotta stay in my shoes!"
OK, so you play a lot, and now you're a great golfer. Go tell your friends about your 2 handicap. You should really be proud. And one more thing before you go: You know the guy who just hit three in the water on 15? The guy whose throat is sore from yelling "Fore!" all day? That guy is tied with you on the PGA Tour's career earnings list. We know ... it's OK to cry.

Basketball: For $10 at Target, you can pick up a nice Spalding basketball. That's right: $10. Now you need a hoop, so you go pick from one of the dozen or so located in every park in every town in America ... provided free of charge. No one there? No problem. Sure, it'd be nice to get a little three-on-three going, but it doesn't mean you can't play by yourself. Try saying that about any other sport.

WINNER: Charity.

2008: Last Time For Our Pastime

My apologies, but this entry does contain a hint of politics—but mostly sports. For those who haven’t heard, the Olympics dropped baseball and softball from the 2012 games in London. The IOC (Int’l Olympic Committee) voted to drop the two from the 28 game schedule on grounds that they aren’t popular enough worldwide and competition is not strong.
First off, I have had a longtime suspicion that Europe has always had the largest influence in the Olympics, and this just proves it. (And yes, I do realize the modern games began in southern Europe, but the world is a completely difference place than it was in 1896.) Many consider baseball to be too American as it was founded here and is considered our ‘pastime.’ However, since its inclusion into the Olympics in 1992, how many gold medals has the old US of A taken home? One. For those who also are unawares of the new Baseball World Cup that debuts this year, we are not even the favorites. Any true baseball fan will (reluctantly) tell you that the true baseball hotspot these days is Latin America. It has also picked up drastically with Asians. I have a feeling Europeans simply consider baseball to be too bloody boring.
I had a good chat on the subject with my foreign co-worker/friend and, as usual, he took the opinion opposing America. He claimed most sports that have such strong regional ties are not included in the Olympics, for instance Taekwondo and Karate, because the rest of the world cannot compete; this was followed up with something about how the rest of the world doesn’t care about baseball and its lameness. I sat down on the internet and looked up the current games and Taekwondo and Judo were most certainly included. (I will also mention that I was proud to see the one gold medalist out of the eight that wasn’t Oriental happened to represent the U.S.) The list of five sports that would fill the two open spots for 2012: golf, rugby, roller sports, karate, and squash. Now tell me how the latter two are not extremely regional games. Squash?! You’ve got to be joking…
Lastly, ridding the Olympics of baseball because *some* view it as lacking competition is the worst thing that can be done to the international sport. Take basketball, for instance, which was also coincidentally introduced in 1992. The U.S. has always been dominant while the rest of the world tried catching up. Well, they finally did and we lost last year. No, we barely grabbed the bronze. With other countries continually gunning for us, and the fact that baseball is growing, by 2012 it would be intriguing. The latest representative to speak out against removing baseball is from Greece. See note above about birth location of Olympics…
Oh well, it’ll be back. I’m not going to defend softball because, after all, we did sweep the Athens games 9-0 while outscoring our opponents 51-1. Yeah, we gave up one run in the gold medal game. That game also happened to be our national team’s 79th win in a row. Yikes. Good luck, rest-of-the-world.